At a loss...

When dealing with matters of the heart, usually, it's just emotions and feelings that are in question. Nowadays however, things are different.

Society dictates how and when relationships should start and how they should go. They tell you when things are right and when things are just plain wrong. They've invented the it's-complicated status that clearly complicates things all the more.

When did this start? When did we ever start conforming to the norms of society when it comes to the heart? When you think about it, how right is the right thing to do?

If we feel something that may not be necessarily right to the eyes of many, do we stop it? When it could be the only thing that feels right in such a long time? Do we resist? Do we lie and convince ourselves otherwise?

Perhaps the point of it all is to avoid inflicting pain of any sort to any one and to be able to make a brand new start. This may be to rid ourselves of all insecurities, all doubts, all fears and all suspicions. This may also be, so we can be able to start right.

But is a right start a strong basis for a relationship? Is it a hurt-free guarantee? And in order to have this, what does this all entail? Should we pretend the emotions do not exist and go on with life? What limitations should one set? How long will this denial last? How long should it last?

When we are all at a loss,
do we follow our heart?
or do we follow what society says?

Lost in transalation?!

I recently lost a shirt that almost came close to becoming a fave. I've been looking all over for it for the past week.

True that I've been wearing it lesser than the usual. At first, for fear of my sister seeing it. You see, the shirt's not actually mine. Thus comes guilt. I got hold of this shirt when I went on a trip to visit her. I was going through her closet (which i always do even from way back), saw it, decided to borrow it for a day but never got around to returning it. When I got back home, the shirt was inside my bag much to my surprise. Unintentional yet I'm not sorry either. I mean, the shirt was basically a permanent resident of my sister's closet. At least with me, it gets to be worn - even for a while.

It actually just slipped my mind. At first, I loved wearing the shirt. But as time passed, it's either I got uncomfortable wearing it or it refused to cooperate with me. So I began wearing it less and by the time I realized it, I don't know where it is anymore. Now that I want to give it a chance and go back to wearing it, I can't because for some unknown reason, it got lost.

Could it be hidden beneath the mass clutter atop my bed?
Or could it be that somehow, it managed to find its way back to my sister's closet where it really belonged?
Could it be that that shirt was not really meant to be mine?
If that's the case, then do I stop turning our house upside down in search of it?
Or do I just wait for it to appear?
I mean, if it's just somewhere in my room, then sooner or later it will be found, right?
Or do I let it go?
When do you finally say goodbye to what you just lost?

Then again, how could you lose something that wasn't even yours to begin with?

Swimming anyone?

The beach has always been one of my favorite places.
You get to hear the waves crashing.
You get to smell that distinct scent of sea breeze.
You get to enjoy one of the most beautiful places in the world.

There's something in the fresh air that sets you up in an awfully good mood.
There's something about the way the waters caress the shores, gentle and sweet.
There's a certain magic as you make those walks along the beach with the moonlight glowing on you. There's a faint sound of tranquility as the sound of the waves lull you to sleep and sends you off to dreamland.

This is the beauty the beach holds when you look at it out of the waters. But what about when you're in the water? What beauty lies beneath?

Everyone loves the beach but only a few are willing to explore the not-so-safe side - swimming.
We love looking and going to the beach and yet we are scared of finding out what else it can offer us.

Not all of us are experts in swimming, some don't even know how. I'm no expert in the matter. I know the basics in swimming but not enough to save my own life. I've been taught lessons and others are gained through experience. This probably explains why some of us are wary of going into the deeper end of the sea, afraid we'd drown.

So we wade and we wade, hoping we get enough fun out of it. And we do, but not as grand as those who have dared to go deeper. They've seen what the sea really offers and the majestic beauty it holds. They are given contentment and bliss, something waders could never get.

I've tried going to the deeper ends once, to see what lies beyond the safe zone.
What i saw was far greater than what i expected. It does give you contentment and it does give you bliss. But since I'm not that equipped with the skills, i began to feel the first signs of panic as I realized I was about to drown. I gathered all strength, courage, prayers and patience as I fought to save my life. There's no one out there to help you. You're on your own out there. Probably, the most important thing you must have is willpower. Without this, I'd have given in to the sea's sweet serenade as it swallows me whole.

I managed to get myself back to shore, exhausted, drained and downright tired.
It dawns unto you that it would have been best if you'd have stayed on the safe side. You wouldn't have gotten hurt.
But will being safe be enough?
Knowing that you're missing a whole lot out there?
Or is the pain enough to compensate for the beauty you just found?

We are all afraid of drowning. We are all afraid of not being able to pull ourselves back to shore.
But if we live in fear, we will never get to have the satisfaction and bliss that the deeper ends hold. Until we get the courage to face the challenge, we are only able to look at the sea but we will never get to experience the sea.

The beach is a romantic place.
But does the romance carry on once you're in the waters?
Or will it remain outside, just for everyone to see and not feel?
I guess we'll never know unless we brave ourselves to take on a swim..
towards the deeper end.