A Constant Struggle...

I've talked about swimming towards the deeper ends of the sea, experiencing what it has to offer you and being brave enough to wander the thrills and shrills of the unknown.
What if you were able to muster enough courage and you did explore its depths? Yes, you see the never-before-seen wonders and feel the never-before-felt emotions. But what if you end up drowning? What happens then?
For people who are not experts on swimming, myself included, drowning is usually the foreseeable event (for lack of a better term).
When you feel the first signs of drowning, how do you know what to do next? What do you do next?
How can you tell if this is the right time to back off and head back to shore?
How can you head back when you're still in awe of the wonder that is laid out before you? You know, deep down, that the effects of drowning will hurt and yet you stay. Why is that?
It's because you've finally set aside your fears and have let go of anything that was holding you back. You've finally learned to open your eyes and give in to the feeling. It's because you know the pain will be nothing compared to what you are experiencing at that particular moment. And maybe, just maybe, you're hoping that if in case you drown, someone will be there to save you.
But what if there is no one to save you? The real challenge begins. Because then, you will see that all your fears have just come true. And the pain sinks in as the sea tries to lure you to its depths.
It would've been easier if it were as simple as just trying to get back to shore. But it's not. As you try to save your life, you also nurse a broken heart. A broken heart brought about by hope that something out there is worth all this conquering act for and the dream that there could be something more.
As you make your way back to shore, there will be times when you just want to give up and stop fighting the currents that pull you; there will be times when you want to stop and just drown yourself in your own tears (as if the ocean is not big enough for you to drown into).
But you have to see the bigger picture. You have to look beyond what you are going through right now and look towards the shore. Someday, you will get there. It's gonna be a long journey but you will make it. Maybe someday, you'll be safe once again. Until then, you continue to fight in this constant struggle of saving yourself.