If the shoe fits.. part 2

Remember how I talked about finding the right shoe that could somehow take the place of my old fave? Well, I found it.

I wasn't looking for it. I gave up on the search a long time ago. And yet, somehow, it managed to find me. In the most unexpected place and the most unexpected pair of shoe, I found what I was looking for..and more.

The new pair was more beautiful in a lot of ways. The comfort was there. The style was there. The best part? It complimented me in every way. It was also a pair that I knew wouldn't give up on me easily and is willing to travel any road with me, smooth or rough. It was what I truly wanted and needed.

There was one problem though. It's not a brand new pair. It belongs to my sister. I found it as I rummaged through her luggage when she came to visit. She wasnt using it at all and she never really liked the shoes that much. So I decided to use it.

I borrowed it for a couple of months and grew to love it. I knew I shouldn't get attached but as I used it each day, falling in love with it couldn't be helped. I knew I shouldn't. If i was smart enough, I wouldn't have. Because it was a temporary set up and I knew deep down that my sister will be looking for it. Yet, there was also a tiny flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, my sister had let it go already. So much for hoping.

Just when I was so close to loving it all the more (I cant deny I fell in love already); just when I was able to let go and forget my old fave and just when I was so close to calling it mine, my fear was realized.

Out of nowhere, out of the blue, my sister wanted the shoes back. Nothing could have ever prepared me for the devastation that came along with it. It was another heart-to-the-shredder moment for me.. again.

I'm depressed beyond words. I ache. I hurt. And I'm tired, so tired of feeling all this all over again. Why is it that everytime I find the shoe that fits, I also find out that its not right for me?

But my sister told me she missed the shoe and that she realized she loves the shoe. So I gave her the shoe, in as much grace and dignity, but in reality, its slowly killing me on the inside. But I had no choice, I had no right. It wasn't even mine to begin with.

I wanna be happy for her, I really do but it just hurts for now. Letting go of something always does. But there's so much pain here, more than that of when I lost my old fave. Maybe because we didn't have much time to make the journey with this shoe. It all went down to what-ifs and what-could-have-been. And it hurts. oh so much.

I just hope my sister will take good care of it and will see its real worth.

So I'm here, back to square one, continuing my pursue and search for the right shoe.
When will I find it?
Where?
How?
I dont know.
The answer is I dont know.
All I know is that I hope when I do find it, it'll be worth all that I went through and all that I am going through in this quest, yet again, of finding if the shoe fits.