memoirs of a drama queen..

For conventionals, memories of past experiences are kept in those tiny little boxes, tucked away in the closet, hoping never to see them again. What if you find them? What happens when you open the box again?

Last night, I came upon my own share of memories-in-the-box. Curious that I am, I looked into it, wanting to see who I was back then and how I was. It's a little funny how the past can still surprise you. It's even funnier how it gives you a clearer view on everything that has happened, contrary to what you actually believed in all these years (insert sarcasm here).

There were little notes, receipts (oh yes, i keep them), cards and even ribbons! Did I mention I also keep a record of the heart-tingling-to-swoon-over text messages? It's in a little notebook I'd like to call "silly 'ol me". (rock) What? So I keep 'em nonsense things, call me sentimental but hey, that's me. (wasntme) The good times can still bring me to smiles. The oohs and the ahhs were present but of limited appearances since the show-stealer reaction were: What? Really? (gasp) as I shaked my head in disbelief.

In short, tucking away those memories has indeed served its purpose. It had made me forget. But now I am reminded of the past. You know how they say "the memories come crashing down on you"? Well it is true. I remember all the emotions I felt at that particular time. I remember how my world fell apart and I remember what I went through as I picked up the pieces. The effect was devastating. The process was gruelling. How I got through it, I have no idea. But there were good times too. Good times that hurt as much since you see what both of you have given up.

It was what? 4 years ago? And yet when I read them, it felt like yesterday. Could it be that the emotions I was trying so hard to mask crept its way out into the open? Could it be possible that my heart isn't as healed as I thought it was? Or is it just the sentimental in me?

But I'm okay now. Honestly, I'm okay. I mean not the jumping-up-and-down happy but I've dealt with it already. Or have I just pushed the emotions aside since there's something more raw and fresher problem? Could I have just placed it all aside and now its back to haunt me?

If I'm perfectly fine with all that was in that box, why then did i find myself crying over them?